Bodies are vessels, they are superficial. And by changing your shell, it cannot make you any happier. The idea is often: “if I lose weight, I will become desirable.” Since this isn’t true, no goal you reach will satisfy you. It is a bottomless thirst.
…Which is why eating disorders involve both restricting (the only percieved way to earn love/acceptance) and binging (after realizing that the deprivation isn’t filling your emptiness).
We have to learn to change the inside. Change your thoughts. Wake up every morning and say I am beautiful. I love my smile. I make people laugh. Love your toes or freckles if that’s the only thing you can find.
This will feel like a lie at first. But I HAD to keep finding reasons to love myself because of how bad I wanted recovery. I HAD to keep trying in order to rid myself of a life-threatening illness.
I did my makeup in a small mirror, as to not be sucked into EDs body obsession. I took my time and put together nice outfits. I played with my dog when I was sad. I painted instead of numbing myself with urges. I did what I had to do to feel GOOD about myself everyday. That’s my priority. And it’s not vanity, it’s self-love. (In reality, EVERY person should be doing this, not just those plauged by ED)
Think of yourself as a four-year old and imagine saying harsh ED-driven comments to her. Do you find it disheartening? Good, because that four year old is still you. Don’t beat her self-esteem down anymore.
You are and were always worth being told your beautiful and if you have to be the one to tell yourself, then that’s exactly what you need to do.
I teach my children at the daycare “If someone tells you that you look beautiful, you do not say thank you, you say: I know.” Do not even question your own beauty. Because there may be a day when someone tries to tell you that you are not (sometimes that bully even lives in your own head) and you need the courage and confidence to tell them that they are wrong.
And please do not think I go completely ED-free all the time. He can still make me feel uncomfortable and flawed. Sometimes I cry when clothes don’t fit me anymore. I still get insecure when wearing tight shirts. But I recognize that ED is the one bashing my body.
And when I really think about it, I love my body. I love it for carrying me and keeping me alive through my eating disorder. I love it because it is the only one I have and the only one I’ll ever have, and it is the same shell at 120 pounds and at 300 pounds. I need to nourish it always because it is always loving me, everyday that I breathe.
I demand that everyone stop using the phrases: “losing/gaining weight.”
When we change our bodies, there should be one thought attached to it: comfortability and vitality. And, depending on where your body is: it may need to go UP or DOWN in weight to achieve this. Unlike the media preaches: not all of us need to go downward in size. Most of us are fine just the way we are.
There has pretty much been a negative connotation attached to weight-gain. We have made it seem shameful to put on pounds. But, it is most certainly NOT A BAD THING. And we have attached adoration and praise to losing weight. As if it always involves willpower and impossibility. When in fact, losing OR gaining weight can=fatality. Just as either one can=life and nourishment.
Stop referring to a body as something that “loses and gains weight.” If you are tempted to say something like that: change the phrase to something that does not have a negative predisposition.
All I want to do is preach self-love and body-positivity. And in those moments of self-doubt, remember there are more important things than our bodies. Put on a funny movie as a reminder not to take life so seriously. Or go on an adventure with a friend. Use those times as a challenge to rediscover whats really important in life.